Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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