theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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