my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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