Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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