and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
