I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Houston, we have a squirter
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
