Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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