I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why didn't you poke me back
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
