He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is my gift to your gina
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
