i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
