All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
