Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
