A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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