I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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