did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
