I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A+ Viking dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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