I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
