I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
