Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
