Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
They have beer where we have blood.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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