how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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