it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
