Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
