I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
