Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
