tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
