my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
