How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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