who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
