if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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