if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
