yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My ass is underappreciated
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
