Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So. Much. Porn.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
