I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
