It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
