i think i have two assholes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My ass is underappreciated
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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