My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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