Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
