I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
