so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
