did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
