I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
