Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
