ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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