we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
