I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
