I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
