so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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