Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
