some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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