end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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